Let’s take a minute and talk about what is commonly called the suicide note. That would be the last communication between the loved ones and the one they just lost. Growing up I assumed thatt there was a note left in every instance of suicide. I had no idea that more than 50% of the victims left no note stating their intent to commit suicide. When Anna took her life we searched for hours, combed every inch of their house to find a note to help provide us with the answers we so desperately longed for. Although we had found tell tale clues in the weeks leading to her death,
we were still at a loss as to the exact reason she felt the need to close her eyes forever.
After the EMTs, sheriff deputies, and first responders had cleared the area, my husband went on a search for the note. Anna had been at the house by herself while the rest of us were up at the main house enjoying a bbq. We knew Anna was exhausted so we thought she needed some alone time to catch up on some sleep and a little quiet time. Various family members had been checking in on her casually and invited her to join us wheneer she was ready. My son last checked on Anna approximately 38 minutes before finding her passed away. There was no note. There was no explanation. Just a million and one questions as to why. All of the emotions. The false sense of “everything is okay” I had because all my kids were home visiting. Because she was home and we thought we were watching out for her.
What a horrible feeling to think we were all having a good time enjoying each others company while Anna was secretly and silently in anguish. How could we let our guard down thinking things were fine. How could we go on with our dinner while she was hiding out in her house? How could she leave us. Without an explanation? Without an answer? One of so many unanswered questions
